He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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