My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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