i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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