I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ok first of all what the fuck
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
