How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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