At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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