Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
