I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You pole danced in your parka.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
