After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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