That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
