Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
no, he came in my armpit
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
