I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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