I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
