He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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