I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
