Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
