Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
