I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
