So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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