my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
