hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
