so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
