i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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