I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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