This girl is more easily done than said...
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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