dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
