I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
