idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
