Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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