It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
