Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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