I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
