2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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