are you still at the devil's house?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
