i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
