Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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