it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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