Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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