I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
