i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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