he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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