The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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