did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
