um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
