i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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