Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
