the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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