obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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