so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
