just tell him i said nine months
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
