If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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