He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she woke up with a sticky ear
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
