listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
