He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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