The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
