Is it because I queefed?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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