clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i now understand why vodka
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
