oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize