The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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