i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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