Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
