Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
