Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
