So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
