vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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