I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
