his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
