gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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