Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
