I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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