it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
