i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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