Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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