I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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