oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she told me i tasted like america
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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