One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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